Loss

My name is Sarahy Conrad and I want to tell my story. I grew up in a house where there were a lot of beatings, my dad always beat my mom and as time went by the situation got worse. One day my mom made the decision to leave home and left me with my dad, who abused me over the months. This made me be very afraid of all men, I really did not want my life and with the passing of time, and with the help of psychology, I was able to overcome what he did to me.

As if that wasn't enough, at the age of eleven I ended up in an orphanage. Here my life was very difficult, I was constantly abused, I was beaten and this was becoming part of my life. I lasted five years until one afternoon, I entered to my room and with a sincere prayer I asked God to please take me out of that place. I promised to follow Him.

Four weeks passed and God answered by putting someone in my path: Gwen Conrad, who without my knowledge had adopted two of my older siblings, Lucero and Daniel, who also ended up in a home for many years.

At first it wasn't easy, I didn't see her as my mom, and this led us to go through many trials together. I think the most painful one was when I was in high school and there I met a boy who got me to make the decision to leave my home.

My mom Gwen was looking for me like crazy, and when she finally found me, a patrol car took me to the prosecutor's office. There I lied about her hitting me and that at that moment she wanted to run me over with her car. I did this because I didn't love her at all as a Mom and because I was blinded by all the lies my boyfriend had led me to believe. My lies almost caused her to go to jail.

While they kept me in a dark room, I heard a clear voice that said to me: “My daughter, I love you and because I love you, I ask you to be sincere and tell the truth. Do not continue to lie, tell the trutht”. I first I thought it was my mind, but I began to feel a very shivering cold on my skin. I made the decision to open that door and go to the lawyer. I ran to him and knelt down and told him that it was all a lie. Mother Gwen never did that, she has always been good to me.

They talked to Mom and after half an hour, we left together to go to the car, where I would hear this: - "I'm going to take you to DIF (orphanage), I can't take you anymore."- As Mom drove, my mind wandered thinking that I would never see my family again until I was eighteen and left DIF. When we arrived at the group home, she told me to get out of the car because she was going to turn me in. - Come with me - and a few minutes later she was talking to the social worker.

- I'm here to turn Sarahy in, I don't want to have her anymore. She doesn't listen to me and gets into a lot of trouble. - I was able to see the goodness of God, that at that moment they told my mom that they could not receive me because they were on vacation, that I should wait five weeks and that if I continued with that attitude, they would look for me at mom's house. God was giving me one more chance.

We returned home, and two years went by before I started getting involved in some YWAM El Paso activities, but sadly at the age of eighteen, I met a boy again who became my boyfriend. I lasted three years with him, but that relationship was very ugly, physically and psychologically abusing me. I got pregnant and never took care of myself, he beat me constantly.

On December 5th I had an ultrasound to see how my pregnancy was going and I was told that my baby came with ophalocele. I cried a lot and called my boyfriend to tell him what was happening and he said he wished I would die. This made things much worse and I was scheduled for an emergency C-section and on December 12th, the baby was born.

He was hospitalized for two months at the children's hospital in Juarez, until he no longer responded to medication. They told me he could die. That same night, I was told that he had had two heart attacks. That morning he died.

It has been 10 months since his death and God has spoken to me about what I should learn from this terrible situation. He arranged everything so that I could do my DTS at YWAM Morelia. This that I’m sharing, is what has left a mark on my life, but God continues to do His work in me, I can see that He is never wrong. He has great things for me.