Do you really love me?

As Christians and especially as missionaries, we see ourselves as “the good people of the story”, as the people that know how to really love. Of course! We are the people that said yes to God’s calling, we leave everything to follow God, our city or country, and we depend on God for finances. Or maybe you gave up your language and have to learn a new one so you can communicate.

My life has been this way - season after season God has guided me to go to another place or serve in different areas. Of course, this has been filled with adventures, up and downs, surprises, God’s gifts but also difficulties and even moments of losses. If you have worked as a missionary or joined a DTS, you know what I mean.

However, I think once we get used to it, we forget this capacity of growing in the middle of the discomfort. But God doesn’t conform until Christ is fully build in us. I don’t want to scare you, just be aware if you are in a comfortable place, maybe the Lord is going to introduce you into another time or process.

And the thing is that we get scared with the idea of a desert or a storm or whatever name you want to give to this difficult moments. But, do you remember the last time that you were in a trial? Those times in my life has been the best, I felt God so close and I was thriving, it’s the perfect combination between troubles and intimacy. You get to experience fullness because you find all that you need in God’s presence, instead of the circumstances or people.

So… how do you react when everything is going bad, when your plans are delayed, or when the promises of God aren’t fulfilled. In this moment I am there and to be honest, is that in the beginning of the process I reacted with a victim mindset with thoughts like: “but I am..” “they make me” “why nobody make me/talk to me” all me, me me…

When I realized it, I was shock for my hearts condition and also this sickness: selfishness. After a lot of thinking, I also realize that even that I obeyed Gods voice, I had the hidden intention to get a compensation, a reward, or some kind of “salary”. For example: When God called me to do something or go somewhere, my heart always looked for what did was I able to take out of that, advantages or rewards. Just a few times it hurt me to obey knowing that I wasn’t receiving something in return.

That makes me think: Do I really know how to love? I don’t think so honestly. Like many, I didn’t grow up in a Christian home, and far from that, I was not taught how to truly love, rather I was taught how to be selfish. Always running after what I want, looking to fulfill my needs and desires, taking a step forward and thinking what would I receive in the end. Perhaps I was not looking for fame or money, but more often people’s approval, sympathy or belonging?

So, I have this question for you: How is your heart today? Could you make a sincere enough reflection and arrive at a conclusion that you are perhaps doing things removed from love?  For me, reflecting on the following questions helped:

Am I patient?

Am I kind?

Am I trusting others?

Am I modest?

Am I humble?

Do I prefer others before my own way?

Am I forgiving?

Do I rejoice in justiceand in truth?

Do I give up?

Am I firm in my faight?

Am I always hopeful?

Am I endures through every circumstance?

If I’m honest, I believe our generation doesn’t know how to properly love. Perhaps it sounds harsh or even unjust, but the reality is that society has made us grow with a mindset of “I deserve everything”, but we were call to be all that the Love is, we have in our DNA the potential to be the embodied love to impact nations, how do you decide to live?